FYI that I’ve also posted this essay over on my Instagram. Still figuring out what to post where, but I loved writing this so much that I’m putting it all the places.
I am evermore joyous–meaning, I feel good feeling in my body more of the time for no reason– bc I let myself go to evermore primal grief spaces.
(Hey-girl-haaaay, paradox!)
I consciously allow in more and more horrifying things, I consciously enable them in…and they source my joy.
More specifically: it is my welcoming them in, welcoming my horrors into my body, that sources my joy.
(Being welcoming to the horrors does make some sense. They’re already there in my body, after all.)
And this welcoming of my horrors…well, they just can’t believe it. And they melt.
And the bigger the horror, the more it melts.
My very daring and very brave act of welcoming that which we are most trained not to welcome shifts it into its conscious form.
And so, my horrors become my salvation.
More specifically: my horrors, which are in an unconscious expression of love, can take their conscious expression of love.
(Unconsciousness is hell. Consciousness is heaven. This is why unconscious expressions of a given thing–love, in this case–feel hellish and why conscious expressions of the very same love feel heavenly.)
My welcoming in of my horrors reveals them as my very salvation.
The bigger the horror, the greater the salvation it actually is–and wants, yearns, to be for you.
It’s why your horrors keep coming to you–not for you to fix them. But to see them.
To see them–to literally say to them, trembling all over and shaky and fucked up, “I see you, horror”--is to welcome them.
This welcoming, it is an energetic muscle. Start small. You’ll get stronger–not merely linearly or even rapidly: but exponentially so. Quantum leap-like.
Welcoming your horrors has swift consequences.
That thing you’ve been trying so hard to do for months but haven’t been able to make yourself to do: you’ll be able to do it.
Ideas, insights, creativity, and synchronicities unlock.
And for no particular reason: you just feel god–I mean, good:).
Thanks for listening or reading!
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